10 days into retirement

It has been 10 days since I have formally retired from my full-time job as psychologist with Alberta Health Services. Retirement, people tell me, is this nice time in human life when you can finally read more and write more, if you so wish. Yet, though starting this blog has been on my mind for a while, I am still scrambling to find time to do it. My days are still filled with "busyness." There are things to be taken care of related to retirement - paper work with pension plan authorities, deciding if to buy a health care plan, etc. Then there are things to do about my house, or cars - projects that have been postponed until retirement, etc. I start everyday with a list of things to do, and this list doesn't seem to get shorter as the days progress. And I don't even mention my wife's list of things for me to do! :-) I don't really feel leisury.

I start my days around 5:15 or 5:30 in the morning. Or, should I say, it is my dog, Ged ...

who starts my days for me. He can be quite insistent and his heavy paws, when he comes to wake me up in the morning, are difficult to ignore. My wife and son tell me that he used to sleep until 7 am when I was away in Poland. However, with me, he feels a "soft spot" and preys on me until I leave the bed. We then go to the ice ring not far from my place, now covered only with grass, and, semi-asleep, I throw him some balls.

When we come back, I have my favorite Darjeeling tea to wake myself up and my morning porridge with fruits. I then take my shower (it has been a part of my sadhana, spiritual practice, to take two showers a day, for over 40 years). It was only yesterday, when I watched the epic tennis match between Novak Djokovic and Roger Federer, that my shower got postponed past noon. What an epic battle it was, with both players trying to establish themselves as possibly the greatest tennis players of all time. Although not on the same scale, I am also not void of ambition. My ambition is to make my retirement years meaningful, which may, in some ways, interfere with my ability to simply enjoys this stage of life.

This is the dilemma - to pursue something or to let go. Haidakhan Babaji, whose teachings have kept me inspired for a good portion of my adult life, maintained that "in this Age one can reach liberation only through hard work." Hard work, action, he taught, were the only things that allow human beings to stay on top of their karma. Without this, difficulties tend to pile up. My garden seems to be an illustration of this truth.

I was away in May-June, and the weeds took over. Even my Garden Buddha ...

... looks like those ancient temples lost somewhere in the jungles. So, I think, I will have no choice but to "keep moving my hands" ("przebierać rączkami," as my mother used to say, herself being a Great Karma Yogi). We should "work to the last breath," says Haidakhan Babaji, and my mother was an example how it can be done. She still worked her garden even in advanced stages of cancer.

On the other hand, my new inspirator, Nisargadatta, seems to be suggesting that all this trouble comes from "the erroneous identification with one's body" and that there is no end to the problems caused by the activity of the mind. Mind tends to generate karma "with every thought." The only way out of this predicament, Nisargadatta teaches, is to "transcend the mind." This involves being AWARE of the doings of the mind. It is this awareness, or ability for it, that constitutes our true nature, according to Nisargadatta.

So my plan, for now, is to strike some sort of balance between activity and awareness. I plan to enjoy hiking in the mountains, being around with people, but also being in quiet meditation, enjoying my "every breath" and other pleasures of the awareness.

If you would like to be part of my journey, or even, perhaps, contribute to it by sharing yours with me, subscribe to this blog, or, in some other way, stay tuned.

(PR)